Saturday, March 5, 2011

Perhaps negatives are merely postives with adverse affects?

I have PTSD (It's an important part of the story). Below are a few definitions:

PTSD is a psychological condition that affects those who have experienced a traumatizing or life-threatening event such as combat, natural disasters, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults.

An anxiety disorder based on how an individual responds to a traumatic event

A psychological disorder that develops in some individuals who have had psychologically traumatic experiences. Events which may be traumatic are marked by a perceived threat of death or injury, fear, helplessness (loss of control), or horror. As a result I would do damn near everything in my power to feel safe and secure.  Sometimes I feel afraid and I have no idea why but, I have developed various tactics to take care of myself.   Trust me it has made my life anything but dull!

Further expanation;  It is called the flight or fight response.  In the wild if a bear is mauling a smaller animal it does one of two things, it either fights back orit will freeze, play dead.  On some occasions this causes the bear to lose interest, not always.  Humans are animals, we seem to forget it though.  The frontal lobe cortx in the brain is our "higher thinking", it's where are personality is, our reasoning and logic.  This is what seperates us from other animals, they don't have this.  When in a traumatic situation our body literally takes us over, shuts off this "higher thinking" and we act the same as animals in the wild.  This affects the central nervous system, not just in the moment, it becomes more sensitive in order to keep you out of future similar situations and to build the ability to "alarm" you sooner.  Interesting, and a total out of mind experience.

After hearing the why, it makes more sense as to why I may abruptly leave a situation.  I am experiencing intense, sometimes unexplicable fear.  To keep my body from completely overtaking my mind I attempt to diffuse the situation, I talk myself down, take medication and sometimes it goes away.  If I don't catch on quick enough to take those precautions, I leave in order to prevent embarrassment, or reacting wrongly to another. 

When this isn't known to the people I'm around, and a lot of times it isn't (cause come on, it's personal!), I can come across rude, flaky, sketchy etc...  As intellectual beings we tend to attempt to connect the dots ourselves.  Rarely people assume I leave due to a phsycological disorder, they usually assess the situation and draw their own conclusions.  Complicated sounding and it kind of is, but I have learned to recover quite well, I've had to, otherwise I would be misread and misunderstood by many in my life. 

This has brought a bit of a pain but it has also shown me an interesting light.  I am forced to be vulnerable to others.  I have developed a dire need to expose truths.  I look at all angles of situations and opinions, wondering where and why they were formed.  In short I question everything and I am not hasty in making judgements or drawing conclusions.  The pain I experienced that gave me PTSD, also gave me deeper relationships, patience and a more balanced way of viewing life. Hmmmm.....

1 comment:

  1. If anyone has had an experience of me doing leaving abruptly, disappearing, please send it to me. Thanks