Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Well, it is no secret that I have gone through some incredible changes recently. More like I completely changed every single thing in my life. Life wasn't working for me and hadn't been for a while, I got to my rock bottom as you can see, or read in my earlier posts. I nearly died so, when I got out of the hospital I went to my mom and told her something had to change. I wasn't happy, I wasn't well and I didn't know if it was even possible but I have to try. It was my rock bottom, I was willing to do anything.
We looked at treatment facilities, only problem, I didn't have a drug or alcohol problem so I didn't need a rehab or twelve step program. I have been through an enormous amount of trauma and it was haunting me, it had been for years and rather than trying to outrun the flames I wanted to face them. The running, the haunting it all needed to stop. So she had an idea, what if she facilitated a program for me! She isn't a shrink or doctor, don't worry she simply made the appointments and found the professionals and then made sure my days were wholesome and I was in a supported environment. I handed over my phone, car, internet, copmuters everything. I was cut off for a minimum of 60 days.
Another aspect of it all was I needed to try a different way of going about healing. I have gone to more therapists over the last ten years than I would care to admit. I was on 7 different medications and it wasn't working. I went nowhere. So, I was open to anything! We decided to go a more holistic route, the scientific way failed so it only made sense to try the natural route at this point. I went to energy workers, facilitators that worked with the Mind, Body, Soul and Spirit. The belief is in order to heal ourselves we must heal all aspects of ourselves in order to make us whole.
Outside of rigorous healing sessions that btw were more challenging than anything I have ever done in my life, my mother decided I needed a break, rest. She also set up time where I learned to enjoy life, to have fun. We went on long walks together, went to art galleries, I painted, we played in the sun and enjoyed life. I detoxed my body, I got ionic cleanses, massages and Jin Shin Jyutsu to support the emotional work I was doing. I went to church and watched uplifting old movies to feed the spirit, I read classics to feed the mind, and I spent time with family to feed my soul. I went off all of my medications too. It felt sooo good, they made me foggy and things became clear :).
I learned the true way to heal is to go through our darkness, to love our whole selves completely with all that comes with. I learned to forgive, to accept and never judge, to go with the flow of life and it's incredible. I decided to continue on, so after the 60 days were over I treated the next 3 months as a time to put it into practice. My main priority was healing still but I got my phone back, I was allowed to drive places alone, to feel like I was a grown up again :).
I have been mastering my gifts and principles learned. I have been in solitude, serenity and been careful to carry it over into my life now, to adjust. I am a new person, a different person. I left behind the past, it is where it belongs, the past. I am liberated, free of old patterns, lies, belief systems that never served me. I live life consciously and aware and I love it!!! I have the ability to really love everyone, to have deeper meaningful relationships. I life a very meaningful life, I am living! It's a beautiful thing.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Something interesting to me is the perception many people have as well as society is that in order for one to thrive one must go without. If someone is to be rich, or wealthy, then another must be needy and poor. The thought that in order to win there must be losers. It is quite odd actually, at least I think so. Why have we decided that we can't all have peace, harmony, love, abundance, wealth? It is possible. Just because it isn't so doesn't mean it can't be.
I find it happening all around me, constantly. I laugh at it now, even though it isn't a laughing matter. I have learned to take myself out of the race to rankings. How? If I run a marathon, then great I did it! That is all that I care about, where I took place doesn't matter because I reached my goal. No one had to not run the marathon in order for me to win it, that is silly. For whatever reason, we've decided as a culture that it isn't enough to simply do, to take risks, to push ourselves. It's true. We've decided that we must win and someone lose in order to truly "win". This is one of the larger lies we've bought into.
In my land, if a million people set out to run a marathon and we all did it, we all just "won". We all achieved what we had set out to do. That is enough, that is more than enough. Deciding who did it the best, the fastest or the prettiest is just petty. It does matter that people put in the effort but why does it matter who finishes first? Another example, a big one, in order for one girl to be pretty other girls must be ugly... Ya, I went there :) Really though, can't the world house beautiful women? Ya, it can. Do we need to put one girl down to lift another-nope! Appreciate both as they are, as God designed them (he knows what he's doing).
I find the comparisons silly, petty and a belief system that needs to be done away with. We aren't running out of money, of beauty or anything else to need to selectively give it to a handful of individuals. This world is an abundant place, their is plenty to go around for everyone. Always has been always will be, but acting as though some may starve so others can eat is just ridiculous and jaded. Doesn't matter what the masses think, this is truth, it's just how it is!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
“There's great value in taking months or years or the rest of your lifetime to develop yourself. Discover your goals and talents. Educate yourself. Improve your body, mind and spirit for God so you can more effectively help and bless others, or do it so you will be more attractive to the opposite sex.”
I am very aware of the bigger picture. Their is a lot more to this life, the world, society and the universe than we can even comprehend.
I'll say it like this. Imagine you are playing a video game, in the video game is a little avatar you. You sit down and play the game. You begin playing it so much that one day while playing, you take your avatar to work and your boss yells at you. He tells you you are worthless, lazy and a terrible person. The avatar cries but you cry as well. It is only a game but you have become so connected to it that you now mistake it for your reality. .
This is what happens when we only look at one aspect of ourself. We have a mind, a body, a spirit, a soul. If we purely look at one aspect and fail to see ourselves as a whole, We are blinded by what is actually going on because we are not capable of seeing the big picture.
Big Picture. We are intelligent, beautiful, talented people. Every one of us has a reason for existence, we bring a different flavor to the table. Just being you is incredible. You are the only one. By doing absolutely nothing on your part you were born a unique individual with gifts that only you can offer to the world. You have your own perspectives to give and these differences are what make the world an amazing place. No need to conform, simply to allow yourself to be just as you are.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I feel so grateful to be alive. This has been such an incredible year. I have had my ups and downs. 2011 seemed to only know the extremes when it came to me and life. I was either fabulous or terrible no in betweens. The year started off with some tragic losses. I lost loved ones, I felt very depressed and not myself well it got even worse. The first 5 months were rough. No complaints, it just is what it is and it sucked. No harm in being honest, right?
Then because of the bad times I decided something had to change, well practically that everything had to change. So, I did it! I actually managed to pick up the pieces of my life and to put me back together. Once I did that (which wasn't easy, trust me!), I realized wait I gotta know what direction I want the newly gathered me to go in. I had no idea exactly where I wanted to end up because quite frankly I wasn't in a good enough place to know where to go. All I did know, is that I would know when I got there because it would be so different of a place that I couldn't think it up a few months ago.
Well, it was the tough that got me going. After working to change every aspect of my life, the coolest things started happening. Miracles. Everything felt like a miracle, like it was my first time experiencing life and it couldn't feel sweeter. I love more than I was ever capable, I trust, I forgive, I go with the flow of life! If someone would have told me at the beginning of 2011 I would be where I am now I wouldn't have believed them. It was the impossible, my everest. I can't help but smile as I write this because, I can't believe I did it. 2011 was a year for transitioning, it wasn't comfortable but wow, was it worth it!
It wasn't all done by me, I had plenty of Heavenly Help. It would have been impossible without our Heavenly Parents! I am eternally grateful for them and I love them dearly.
Never thought I'd say this because it was Hell but, there is no doubt it's been the most meaningful year of my life. By far the most difficult and the most rewarding! Here's 2011... Cheers!