Friday, February 4, 2011
I REALIZE THAT FROM THE CRADLE UP I HAVE BEEN LIKE THE REST OF THE RACE-- NEVER QUITE SANE IN THE NIGHT- Mark Twain
i am very aware of the fact that i am alone...lonely. i have been for a while now, it seems to only grow thicker and thicker. memories of cuddling nights are ever so distant, almost just a dream. i slept so much more peacefully and if i couldn't at least i had company. love can become a toxin. something i literally repel and push out of my life as though it will kill me eventually. it goes as quickly as it comes but it leaves a void. for so long i remember what it was that made me whole, i reminisce, i hold to those thoughts as though they were my lifeline. it is my hope to feel complete. pieces of me are missing, wounds are healing and scars have developed. i convince myself this is a growing period, a time to rise to the occasion, to toughen up, to grow. but why do i feel like i am only growing more distant from everyone i know? i am foreign to me, i miss listening to your heartbeat, holding your hand, hearing you breathe, feeling complete. i miss my dearest love. haunted in the night by your memory and wondering why you had to go? do you miss me? am i on your mind? do you love me?