Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Where I've been for the past 6 months!
Well, it is no secret that I have gone through some incredible changes recently. More like I completely changed every single thing in my life. Life wasn't working for me and hadn't been for a while, I got to my rock bottom as you can see, or read in my earlier posts. I nearly died so, when I got out of the hospital I went to my mom and told her something had to change. I wasn't happy, I wasn't well and I didn't know if it was even possible but I have to try. It was my rock bottom, I was willing to do anything.
We looked at treatment facilities, only problem, I didn't have a drug or alcohol problem so I didn't need a rehab or twelve step program. I have been through an enormous amount of trauma and it was haunting me, it had been for years and rather than trying to outrun the flames I wanted to face them. The running, the haunting it all needed to stop. So she had an idea, what if she facilitated a program for me! She isn't a shrink or doctor, don't worry she simply made the appointments and found the professionals and then made sure my days were wholesome and I was in a supported environment. I handed over my phone, car, internet, copmuters everything. I was cut off for a minimum of 60 days.
Another aspect of it all was I needed to try a different way of going about healing. I have gone to more therapists over the last ten years than I would care to admit. I was on 7 different medications and it wasn't working. I went nowhere. So, I was open to anything! We decided to go a more holistic route, the scientific way failed so it only made sense to try the natural route at this point. I went to energy workers, facilitators that worked with the Mind, Body, Soul and Spirit. The belief is in order to heal ourselves we must heal all aspects of ourselves in order to make us whole.
Outside of rigorous healing sessions that btw were more challenging than anything I have ever done in my life, my mother decided I needed a break, rest. She also set up time where I learned to enjoy life, to have fun. We went on long walks together, went to art galleries, I painted, we played in the sun and enjoyed life. I detoxed my body, I got ionic cleanses, massages and Jin Shin Jyutsu to support the emotional work I was doing. I went to church and watched uplifting old movies to feed the spirit, I read classics to feed the mind, and I spent time with family to feed my soul. I went off all of my medications too. It felt sooo good, they made me foggy and things became clear :).
I learned the true way to heal is to go through our darkness, to love our whole selves completely with all that comes with. I learned to forgive, to accept and never judge, to go with the flow of life and it's incredible. I decided to continue on, so after the 60 days were over I treated the next 3 months as a time to put it into practice. My main priority was healing still but I got my phone back, I was allowed to drive places alone, to feel like I was a grown up again :).
I have been mastering my gifts and principles learned. I have been in solitude, serenity and been careful to carry it over into my life now, to adjust. I am a new person, a different person. I left behind the past, it is where it belongs, the past. I am liberated, free of old patterns, lies, belief systems that never served me. I live life consciously and aware and I love it!!! I have the ability to really love everyone, to have deeper meaningful relationships. I life a very meaningful life, I am living! It's a beautiful thing.